So I guess lately I was having a case of the 'Mondays' regarding future plans, money, etc. Work is work. Nothing really ever changes about it. I do well at my job. I even get paid pretty well. I know what I am supposed to do there inside and out. I have been doing it for 11 years now. I wouldn't say that it is time for a change, but I do believe I cannot do this forever. Graphic design is like the music industry or fashion industry. It changes rapidly, and if you don't keep up, there is a hundred other kids right around the corner who just got out of college, who are up to date with the current trends and who would probably do it faster and for less money. My point is, there aren't a lot of 60 year old graphic designers working for corporate America. If anything, they just freelance based on clients they have probably held for years. I think about this alot.
I think I am the kind of person who will always find a way to make money so I don't know why it bothers me so much. I could get fired tomorrow and would be doing something within the next week I am sure.
Tattooing was my fallback. I apprenticed to become a tattooer, thinking that that is what my calling was. I spent years learning the business and the trade. I even did it while juggling a lot of other bullshit in my life. I worked 7 days a week for 2 years at 2 different jobs to make that happen. It just so turned out, that the industry almost destroyed my spirit and the love of the art on MANY separate occasions. The people, the clients, tv shows, trends, etc. None of it was about the art. Not even the tattooers I knew, and that I was close with, were very seldom passionate about the art itself. It was always about egos and powertrips. However, this was and still is something that I can do easily and easily make money at, but it is just another job. I wouldn't be in any different of a spot than I am right now, except for the fact that if I stuck with tattooing, I wouldn't have health insurance or a 401k. Kari Barba once told me, 'You have to be passionate about tattoos. You have to live and breathe tattoos. When you are sleeping, you are dreaming about tattoos.' She wasn't scolding me - it was just something I remembered her saying from my apprenticeship. It always stuck with me because well.... that passion was definately not there. So when I say, 'fallback,' I mean its just always something I can do if need be, to make money.
Back to the point before I even get more sidetracked. I have been confused about, 'whats next.' What is the next chapter going to bring? I didn't know. I still don't know exactly. But I got a nice inspiring talk from my ol' lady. She's like, 'Look you love painting. And everything else you do that you like, somehow involves art.' There is no denying that. 'Whatever you do in life, will most likely have to do with some sort of art.' Shes right. She knew it and I know it also. And I do love painting. The problem was the force inside of me that wants to paint is usually most creative around 10am (when I am stuck at my job - haha). Long story short, she basically said....you wanna get ahead...you gotta work at it even if you aren't making money. You have to come home from work...and go back to work. Her and I are no strangers to working for free to get ahead. Tattoo apprenticeships aren't easy let me tell you, and breaking into her industry....lets just say she worked for free for a very long time. Shes right though. I love to paint and I think that is the main point. So even if I dont make money at it right away or ever even, I should paint because that is what I like to do. Don't paint for money. Don't paint for anyone else. Paint for yourself and perhaps one day....maybe I can make a buck or 2.
For now I am going to be happy with the job that I have. Happy with the money I make and the benefits that I have. And I am going to paint. Paint more. Do art. Whatever that may entail.
Seacrest OUT.
